I'm really not up to the standard.

真的很抱歉，因为无法把球打好，又令你失望了
虽然真的好想把自己的本分做好，但也必须看是在什么情况下
这起的失败可能是永久，可能不是，但我真的疲倦了，真的不知道怎么样才好。
Really devastated and at the verge of tears... Worst, it hit straight into my alrdy wounded hear.

I could no long lfew my muscles, body aching all over. I exert too much, be it mentally or physicallt. I lost the feel and touch that I could no long feel that sense of satisfaction I once enjoyed so much. Fear engraved me, scared that I cannot regain my confidence in tyme.

I always look back, to see what was my proble, then I would try to improve it. This tyme its not the case anymore. This tyme i dontknow where tos tart. No one's listening, im at a lost. Tell me what i should do. How to control when no one bother to listen ?

That realization hit me with horror and immense sadness.