my confession

I think I've never ever mentioned this to anyone before, until lately.. It's just something in me, something that happened in the past that hit me so hard, I know that was the last time this is ever going to happen to me. Never again, not anymore. Because I always believe one mistake would suffice. It's just like, you wouldn't want to try a durian if you puked the first time you tried it. Once bitten, twice shy.

Everytime someone makes me feel how my presence counts to them, how important I mattered, I feel terrified and insecurity would creep into me. I know it's weird, but listen. Because, I know I cannot return you whatever things you showered me with, because even if you mean the world to me I can never show how much that is, because I told myself.... I will never ever allow myself to let someone feel how much he/she is so important that I can't live without, because it's just not me.

I can never string sentences like "I want you to stay with me for the rest of my life, because you mean so much to me". I can never put words across like, "only you"

Today I said so much to this gal, my bestie Lydia. I always appreciate sessions like this, confiding in each other, pouring your sorrows, cursing and swearing. Time had shown how this friendship counts to the both of us :)