:'( I'm sorry but I'm not an independent girl after all
I know its been pretty long, but I don't have an interesting or fanciful post to do today. My days were great, no in fact they were awesome. I'm done with my final paper. I'm happy cos the paper was manageable but but but......
......But the worrisome side of me start to set in ever since idk when. Maybe cos osip date is really nearing. Like next saturday(or Sunday) I can't put my heart at ease. I feel like backing out cos I can't bear to even leave for a mere 3 months. I know it sounds pretty short, but can you imagine not seeing your love ones and close pals for a frigging 90++days? I really can't help but feel a tinge of sourness in me. Maybe not a tinge but a whole lot of shit I'd say.
These thoughts had been running through all day and it's getting me all vexed and tired. On the bus rides, before I sleep, when I text my boyfriend, when someone tell me they're gonna miss me, when i get the never ending paper work for osip done. As much as I don't wish to think about it, I just can't.
I'll be flying on the 8/9, and my aunt(I'll be staying at her place) will be in sg from the 7~11 sept. means when I touch down, it'll be me & shanghai. Of cos, I've 5 other people going with me, but they'll be staying away from me. I tried picturing myself staying alone, and I got emotional and all. I don't really want to mention about my weakness here, but being alone is definitely one. It's to a certain extreme I on all the lights at home. And I grown up with a helper ever since I was born. So I was never really exactly thrown alone at home before. (apart from like my maid went to buy food) other than that there's usually someone at home.
This explains why im usually very close to my maid. Cos I've them sleeping in my room, and everytime when it's only the both of us at home, I'd really talk to her (from her family, to her love life, to the farm at home). I never really wanted to forge a strong relationship tho because I know after all they're leaving and it'd hurt me even more if we are close. Apart from that, dear blog, you get what I meant right? I always had someone by my side. And picturing myself alone at home in shanghai, it's pretty much BRAIN TORTURE.
I just wish I can feel as close as possible to the 2 guys who's also flying with me. Hope I won't really have to be alone cos I'm a scary cat. On a side note, my parents are visiting on mid oct, ms Germaine might be coming To surprise us and really praying vvvvvvv hard that my boyfriend can visit on 1~7th oct!!!!!!
Can someone out there advice me? Tell me everything's gonna be alright. Now I'm starting to realize how cool My bestfriend is. Studying in NY city for 6months.
Pray hard all's good. I'm just trying to figure a way how I get myself mentally prepared for intern furthermore osip.
No comments:
Post a Comment